Today, back on Earth, 12 years ago, the Reinyoito-Myers team made a quick stopover. Pi had convinced them to make a detour by Potsdam to meet our little working group. Since She won her reputation with face-to-face meetings, She was really the only person who could make them happen. All of us had high hopes for the summit and had carefully planned the one short day. And then Paal and I were 35 minutes late because we couldn't resist making love a third time that morning. Needless to say, She was furious.
Something odd happens to a person's brain when they are in love. Why does the highly localized insanity override seemingly obvious trade-offs? Some claim that it's just chemistry -- an imbalance of neurotransmitters. But I have a different theory. The measurable changes in neural function are effects, not causes. We've all had crushes when we were young. What's different wading deeply into the swamp of love for the first time is the experience that the object of your affection actually likes you in return. That's never happened before, and it blows our tiny minds.
I remember doing incredibly stupid things. I would stick my hand into Paal's shirt and tickle him. I would scribble on his notes in class. I would unsnap his tab on the train and start to rearrange his papers, making him cry out and try to put them back in order, and yet he'd never just stop me from messing with them in the first place. He liked it that I was in his personal space and wanted me there, and I reveled in it. I used to do things to annoy him only for the purpose of seeing that he wasn't actually annoyed. Anytime I got away with something goofy it was like an adrenaline rush. He would smile at me and I wanted to blush and giggle. By testing and teasing him I was able to ride that high far more than it was really worth. Infatuation is a profoundly selfish state.
My childhood ended at that point, ebbing away with each new elation. Because before that I had never really felt love's euphoria. I'd had lots of dates; I'd known a lot of boys, but it was never like this. Paal and I had so much in common -- enough to form a real adult relationship, although my child self was still just acting silly to get attention. But the deeper the attachment, the deeper the pain. I had only just had a glimpse of how intense relationship highs could be. The lows were still to follow.
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